I have been thinking lately just how tough life can be. Mom and I recently took a road trip that was unfortunately cut short but we had a long time to talk during the 5 1/2 hour drive to and from. We were commenting on a past boyfriend I had lived with for almost 6 years and realized it has been 25 years since Craig and I broke up. I thought my heart would never heal when we decided to split and moving out of our house and not having him in my life on daily basis was killing me. TWENTY FIVE years ago!!! Where has the time gone? It seems I have lived 3 lifetimes since then and when mom brought up Craig's name I paused and had to really think back to that time when I thought life would not go on without him. I guess time does heal all wounds. At least so far!
Here I am at 46 and although life has been pretty difficult lately, packed with what seems like hardship after hardship, I realized I am the happiest I have been in I don't know how long. What was/is even better is that I got some confirmation the other day from mom which helped me also realize that this is not a passing phase (hopefully!) and that my happiness and joy and amazing amount of positive energy is not just something I see and feel.
Mom was here about 6 days, including the short trip, and we had tons of time to talk. Mom rarely likes to hear about my problems for two reasons. The first is that she is sick of dealing with all the drama a person like me seems to attract and the second being she is my mom and doesn't like to think I am having trouble of any kind whether it be physical or emotional. Recently I have experienced both kinds of pain to a pretty harsh extent and even with mom knowing that and me venting to her somewhat, she still sent me a card once she returned home. She said a lot of nice things about our time together but the main thing that made me feel soft and peaceful from head to toe and back again, is this:
"I really see an amazing change in you. Maybe it WAS the hysterectomy. That blood drain had to have taken a huge toll on you. I can see good things in your future. I'm glad I came and could see it for myself. I won't worry so much now. I hope you get the job - you are perfect for it. But if not, a better one will come up."
(she is referring to a SUPER cool job I really want, so keep your fingers crossed)
And then last night she wrote:
"I am going to copy your last email because it was full of so much life. I really felt loved by you this trip. I told both of my friends, oh, and Ingrid, how helpful and nice you were to me, surprising me with Pepsi in the morning, going on the road trip with me, washing my car, etc. It was so noticed and appreciated and it is always so much fun just laughing with you."
Love you sooo much,
Mom xxx
Those of you that know mom will realize how huge that was and how much it would me to me. Those of you who don't know mom will just have to take my word for it - IT FELT GREAT!!!
In closing for now - Life is great. I am happy and feel more alive than ever. My energy level is off the charts and no matter what comes my way, good or bad, I smile. Really smile.